I’m still here – just! Coming back to this has been on my mind for a while – I miss the pleasure of writing and recording my thoughts and feelings.
Things are better – I feel as though I am resurfacing… coming back up from the depths where I’ve been for a good while now.
Lots of reasons – of the new friends I mentioned last time some are still around, some I’ve let go. I don’t need to hang on to people who jar with me or who don’t share my outlook. I am not so desperate that I need to hang on to people regardless. Of those I’ve hung onto our friendship has grown – similar interests and a feeling that we want to get to know each other better.
I have a new granddaughter who is an absolute delight. The joy of spending a few hours with her, watching her learn and grow, bring me more pleasure than I ever imagined as we awaited her arrival. As a result my days are busier, fuller – in fact I sometimes wish for an hour or so (let alone a while day!) to myself! Throw into that a couple of hours tutoring each week and January has passed without me even noticing the time of year – the time when I usually reach rock bottom!
I’m also trying a multivitamin supplement and have recently started on a Vit D boost but I’ve yet to work out which of all these things is lifting me up out of the depths.
Although I am slightly reluctant to admit it I do feel more settled. Reluctant because I don’t want to give up on my Norfolk-ness, the place I know I belong to; the place that is still more familiar to me than anywhere else; the place I still truly feel at home. The Welsh have a word that sums it up completely -‘hiraeth’. There is no English translation. It is a feeling more than homesickness, the loss of a place that is deep down in the very being of someone; nostalgia for the place that made you who you are and will forever be a part of you… and the hole that is left inside when you are no longer a part of that place. This is what I feel, and my soul still sinks every morning when I wake up and face another day away from home.
But – things are looking up! Not making any promises but I may be around a bit more!